Things have been so hard lately. It’s jut the beginning of a new year but I’ve already felt like I would’t be able to go on. At one point, I thought I just wanted to give up. For the first time in my life, I experienced a reality of nightmares become true. I never thought it would be this hard.
Can this situation get any better? Can I stop pretending to be okay in front of my loved ones? Will I be able to grasp this situation without getting insane? But, everyday is so hard. Holding my breath has seemed to be the easiest thing to do to pull myself together lately.
I don’t want to hurt people. Never had I imagined myself to live alone without being surrounded by the most precious people in my life. Never had I thought to make other people feel bad. I don’t want people to feel bad about me. That’s why I’m trying my best to put on smiling face just to make sure they can feel rest assured that everything will be fine for a while.
My head is like going to explode. There is a pain in my chest. When one matters is almost taken care of, one new matter chokes me up. Problems keep showing up in front of me. They’ve made me exhausted. What’s more, I have to deal with everything by myself.
I don’t know what will happen in the future. I never know what the Universe will unfold in front of me. Trying my best is the only thing I can do right now. When all kinds of worries are pouring inside my head, the only thing I can do is to calm them. Every new day is like a battle for me. I need to survive. I need to keep moving forward even though I have to push myself so hard.
Maybe I will get hurt again. Maybe new problems will keep showing up in my life. Every problem that teaches me to be stronger and tougher. My heart will probably be bleeding again. I need to keep walking no matter what.
For now, I’ll try to survive day by day. Make each day count. Make every moment meaningful. I’m trying my best to be okay.